Vienna Sausages are Fucking Disgusting!
Dear Readers,
Upon returning from a recent vacation in Washington State, my parents presented me with many American foodstuffs, including, but not limited to, a 5 oz can of "Vienna Sausage". Initially I wondered if the people of Vienna, Austria would eat such a thing (because it looked quite trailer park-ish). I am now certain that the only Austrians who would ever actually eat this Wal-Mart brand of Vienna Sausage are those with surgically-implanted stomach shunts, and who therefore don't have to taste it.
The ingredients list reads something like J. S. Buchanan's list of things he would not eat for less than $20. Between the mechanically-separated chicken, and the Sodium Nitrate, are a few edible ingredients, such as salt and mustard, but that's about all the good news I've got.
The can contained 7 of these tiny hot dogs, and if you were to eat the entire lot, such as I just did, you would be injesting 48% of the recommended daily intake of fat (including 54% of the daily recommended intake of saturated fat), %40 of the recommended daily intake of cholesterol, and 49% of the recommended daily intake of Sodium.
My conclusion is that "Inspected for Wholesomeness by U.S. Department of Agriculture" does not in any way, shape, or form, imply a guarantee of tastiness, because honestly, I have eaten dog food that was signifcantly better-tasting than this shit.
My second and most important conlusion is that no one who has the ability to ingest food through their mouth should even think about consuming a can of Vienna Sausage any time soon.
Peace & Love,
J. S. Buchanan
Upon returning from a recent vacation in Washington State, my parents presented me with many American foodstuffs, including, but not limited to, a 5 oz can of "Vienna Sausage". Initially I wondered if the people of Vienna, Austria would eat such a thing (because it looked quite trailer park-ish). I am now certain that the only Austrians who would ever actually eat this Wal-Mart brand of Vienna Sausage are those with surgically-implanted stomach shunts, and who therefore don't have to taste it.
The ingredients list reads something like J. S. Buchanan's list of things he would not eat for less than $20. Between the mechanically-separated chicken, and the Sodium Nitrate, are a few edible ingredients, such as salt and mustard, but that's about all the good news I've got.
The can contained 7 of these tiny hot dogs, and if you were to eat the entire lot, such as I just did, you would be injesting 48% of the recommended daily intake of fat (including 54% of the daily recommended intake of saturated fat), %40 of the recommended daily intake of cholesterol, and 49% of the recommended daily intake of Sodium.
My conclusion is that "Inspected for Wholesomeness by U.S. Department of Agriculture" does not in any way, shape, or form, imply a guarantee of tastiness, because honestly, I have eaten dog food that was signifcantly better-tasting than this shit.
My second and most important conlusion is that no one who has the ability to ingest food through their mouth should even think about consuming a can of Vienna Sausage any time soon.
Peace & Love,
J. S. Buchanan
posted by buchanan | 7/31/2005 03:55:00 PM
5 Comments:
'Injesting' isn't a word, dumbass.
Britt,
Thank you so much for pointing out my error. I have rectified the problem.
J. S. Buchanan
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