NEW SITE

JAEFORD.COM

See you there.

Dell Latitude D510

Dear Readers,

I’m at school again, this time I have the appropriate disk. I will admit, however, that yesterday’s disk mix-up was not quite the problem I made it out to be. If I had actually saved my essay on a disk the problem might have been problematic. In reality, I had not then, nor have I now, even started working on the essay short of my snazzy title page.

Also of note is the fact that this may very well be the last time I post with the old blogspot website. Nathan and I will be launching the brand-new JaeFord.com later this afternoon. Much excitement!

As for the title of this post, I am currently typing it on a brand spanking new Dell Latitude D510 laptop. This computer is beautiful and amazing. If computers were women, I’d ask this one to be my wife.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Floppy Disk...

Dear Readers,

Floppy disks are often useful, however, they do have certain limitations. For example, it is impossible to retrieve your essay from a floppy disk if the disk from which you are trying to retrieve it is not the disk on which you saved it. I am currently in this situation; sitting in the computer lab at school, staring at the first three chapters of my incomplete debut novel, with my literary analysis of Stephen King's "The Shawshank Redemption" nowhere to be found. Better luck next time.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Jesus Christ, Traffic Survey...

Dear Readers,

While driving to school today along Circle Drive, I spotted a woman standing on the shoulder at the intersection of Preston and Circle. I saw the same woman yesterday, in the same place, doing the same thing. She was wearing one of those orange reflective vests and holding a sign with some writing on it. I was ahead of schedule today so I decided to make a u-turn at Clarence and head back for a closer look at her sign. I will admit that I fully expected the sign to have something to do with Jesus, or more specifically, this particular woman's love of Jesus. Yeah, so what if I'm cynical... eat shit. Anyway, to my surprise, the sign was not even remotely Jesusy, but instead simply said "traffic survey" in ridiculously small letters. What was meant my this perplexing sign? Even "the end is near" would have left me less miffed. Adding to my confusion was the fact that this was not a young woman. She was old--even elderly perhaps. What a crazy world we live in.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Escape

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been fraught with the desire to get in your car and drive to Mexico? Is there any liberation more total that abandoning your former self and starting over from scratch? I mean, sure, you'd still be you in your passport, and on your driver's license, but what of these, mere documents. The aforementioned desire is strong and steadfastly with me tonight. No orgasmic release, nor nicotine fix, could cleanse my soul more completely than waking up to a Mexican sunrise. Hope Springs Eternal.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Me Love Website

Dear Readers,

For those of you just joining us, I'll give you some background info. I am Jae Ford, writing under the pen name James Scott Buchanan. This is my weblog. In the relatively near future this website will look and behave more like a website (links, hit counters, etc.). For the time being, however, please be tolerant of the Blogspot format and inherent limitations. I hope to switch to ass-kicking website mode within a week or two. It all really depends upon how my schedule lines up with that of my tireless web designer extraordinaire, Nathan Schneider. Thanks for your patience, and enjoy!

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Solidarity Forever

Dear Readers,

As follows, to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" ("Flying Fortress" to you cadet people), the anthem of the Industrial Workers of the World:

SOLIDARITY FOREVER

When the Union's inspiration through the workers' blood shall run,
There can be no power greater anywhere beneath the sun.
Yet what force on earth is weaker than the feeble strength of one?
But the Union makes us strong.

Solidarity forever!
Solidarity forever!
Solidarity forever!
For the Union makes us strong.

Is there aught we hold in common with the greedy parasite
Who would lash us into serfdom and would crush us with his might?
Is there anything left to us but to organize and fight?
For the Union makes us strong.

[chorus]

It is we who ploughed the prairies; built the cities where they trade;
Dug the mines and built the workshops; endless miles of railroad laid.
Now we stand outcast and starving, 'midst the wonders we have made;
But the Union makes us strong.

[chorus]

All the world that's owned by idle drones is ours and ours alone.
We have laid the wide foundations; built it skyward stone by stone.
It is ours, not to slave in, but to master and to own,
While the Union makes us strong.

[chorus]

They have taken untold millions that they never toiled to earn,
But without our brain and muscle not a single wheel can turn.
We can break their haughty power; gain our freedom when we learn
That the Union makes us strong.

[chorus]

In our hands is placed a power greater than their hoarded gold;
Greater than the might of armies, magnified a thousand-fold.
We can bring to birth a new world from the ashes of the old.
For the Union makes us strong.

[chorus]

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

No More Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go...

Dear Readers,

Tragically, I was born in 1985, a year that saw the release of such musical garbage as Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and "Crazy for You", Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", and the 8-and-a-half-minute hell that is Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing". Saving the year from total musical infamy are such shining lights as Jefferson Starship's "We Built this City on Rock and Roll", Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is", and that eternal classic, "St. Elmo's Fire" by John Parr.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Soggy Premier...

Dear Readers,

Well, I just got back form the big NDP BBQ. It was cold, wet, and windy, and I was in low spirits. I will definitely not be running today. Instead, I will save my strength for the NDP Cabaret.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

As of late...

Dear Readers,

It is raining. This is bad because there was a big New Democratic Party Centennial BBQ planned for this afternoon. Also scheduled for today was the Cadet Instructors Cadre Running Club meet at 1800 at Kinsmen Park--the same venue as the BBQ. Looks like the only event that won't be called off is the Saskatchewan NDP Centennial Cabaret. Oh well, at least that will be fun.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Sask Learning is a Giant Assclown...

Dear Readers,

I'm trying to get the Government of Saskatchewan's Department of Learning to send my high school transcript to the University of Saskatchewan so that I can actually go to school. This task could not possibly be any more difficult. The Department requires a $15 fee to e-mail the transcript to the U of S. It seems, though, that they really don't want my money. I have concluded this based on the fact that the only means of paying are by cheque in the mail (please allow 2-4 weeks for processing), or by faxing them a form with my Visa number. No, I didn't say "credit card number"; Visa is all they accept. All I have, incidentally, is a fucking Master Card.

No Peace, No Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Tattoo

Dear Readers,

Yes, as of 2:30 this afternoon, I joined the ranks of tattooed people. It hurt like hell, but I am proud of myself and it looks amazing. Everyone should get one.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Pour mourir...

Dear Readers,

Things are not looking good on the sort-of ex-girlfriend front. Rumor has it that she doesn't want to date anyone until she's 19 (two years from now). Rumor also has it that she wants me to call her so she can tell me this. I will call her tomorrow. When I do I will use the old "I'd really rather not discuss something this important over the phone" line in an attempt to milk it for a coffee date (also to prolong the existence of our non-existent relationship). Wish me luck.

Peace & perhaps not as much love as there used to be,

J. S. Buchanan

Seems time does heal wounds...

Dear Readers,

I ran into Lindsay Wolfe today while I was waiting for a physiotherapy appointment. While she wasn't an outright bitch to me in High School, I have always viewed her as somewhat of an ice queen. In High School, Lindsay was one of the golden girls, who only hung out with other golden girls and the jocks. None of the several social circles to which I belonged were hip enough to be given the time of day by Lindsay's group.

When I saw her today I initially ignored her, and expected her to do the same. Instead, she gave me a happy wave and when she was done addressing the receptionist, she came and sat down next to me and we shot the shit for the ten-or-so minutes before our respective appointments. It felt really great to be accepted by someone who was socially superior to me for so long. Thanks Lindsay.

I guess even ice queens can change.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

The Selkirk Grace

Dear Readers,

I found the following printed on a menu at The Black Duck Freehouse. I thought is was interesting and copied it onto a napkin.

The Selkirk Grace

Some hae meat,
and some canna eat,
and some wad eat
that want it:
But we hae meat,
and we can eat--
and sae the Lord
be thank it.

- Robert Burns

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan

Dirty Sanchez has a small, bent penis...

Dear Readers,

Due to his continued harassment and labeling me with the unfortunate moniker "the swine," I feel I must release the following information on my good pilot buddy, Dirty Sanchez. Mr. Sanchez's penis is too small to please even the tightest vagina. It is also quite bent.

Peace & Love,

J. S. Buchanan